The Armed Republic of Santa Clara Cartel is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Dominguez Del Royo with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, hatred of cheese, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 13.738 billion Santaclareños are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Industry and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Santa Villa. The average income tax rate is 81.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Santaclareñian economy, worth a remarkable 5,204 trillion Pesos a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 378,815 Pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.1 times as much as the poorest.

Family trees become bare as entire branches are lopped off, a surprising number of travelers carry their water in vodka bottles, tourists are forbidden to enter Native Santaclareñian lands, and loudmouthed journalists are given the chop. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Santa Clara Cartel's national animal is the Nile Crocodile, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is Christianity.

Santa Clara Cartel is ranked 263,898^th in the world and 288^th in Wintreath for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -8.37 on the Clooney Contribution Index.